From The Archives - February 2021
In this season of love, let’s talk about something incredibly dear to my heart - relationships! I’m constantly fascinated by and learning more about what makes healthy, mature, and sustainable relationships work - at work. Three things continue to show up as critical priorities in this domain for me and my clients, as they provide continued growth in leadership:
- Core Values
- Values-Based Boundaries
- Emotional Attunement
Core Values: Mine, Yours, and Ours
Knowing what you deeply care about, aside from the social narratives you’re ingrained with or even what the strong-willed people in your life want for you, is tremendously important to leading from a place of wholeness. What do you hold dear, where do you find meaning, and what attributes are non-negotiable for you in relationships?
When we come into work partnerships with others, the strongest way to nurture authenticity, alignment, and results over the long haul is when both parties are intimately connected to their own core values. Then, more significant work relationships can take it a step further - what do we value as a team, organization, or even partnership? What values do we want to build on together and count on each other for?
Here is an awesome podcast by Dr. Steve Hickman, “How Values Support Relationships.”
Values-Based Boundaries: Healthy Interdependence
In work relationships especially, holding clear boundaries based on your core values is an important part of establishing your sense of self as a leader. They are also crucial to mental health and well-being.
Once you’ve discovered your core values, think about how others might honor them in relationship with you. What do your values look like in action? What flexible but firm separation might you need between yourself and others to ensure wellbeing for all?
For those in your work life (or otherwise) who have difficulty honoring what’s important to you, try this helpful framework: BIFF - brief, informative, friendly and firm.
Emotional Attunement: Consistent Sensing into Yourself and Others
Emotional attunement is the ability to recognize, understand, and engage with someone else’s emotional state. It means we pay attention. We notice. We check in. Turning down the volume on our inner critic, mental noise, or judgment of others means we can create the space to actually be with them.
We can’t appreciate, understand, partner well with, or even fully respect people we can’t see as they are. So, knowing how vital human connection is for all of us, how might you practice emotional attunement with someone important in your life today? What do you have to let go of to connect with them, as they are, versus your projection of who they are or “should” be?
May you and those you hold dear continue to feel nourished by each other, at work and in all ways. In this season of affection, I hope you reconnect to yourself first. Hold a space for yourself full of tenderness and compassion. And then, shower those in your life with your very best gift: your full attention.
To Your Wholeness,